Can too! Cannot!

I can
~piece a quilt
~take pictures which give me pleasure, if nothing else
~bake bread from scratch
~BS my way through just about any essay topic thrown at me
~spit a stream of water through my two front teeth
~make a kitty purr
~walk quickly
~sing every line of every song of Rocky Horror Picture Show
~make my own light saber
~carry two 3-year-olds at the same time
~shine a pair of shoes
~imitate cat meows
~change a diaper
~knit
~eat sickening amounts of Peanut M&Ms in one sitting
~procrastinate
~recycle like it’s going out of style
~make a bed in under 2 minutes
~peel wallpaper
~read upside down
~recite the first thirty elements of the periodic table
~make something from nothing–both for purposes of good *and* evil
~eat just one chip (you lie, Lays Inc!)
~play “Free Bird” on hard and survive…by the skin of my teeth
~coordinate colors
~”Tetris-ize” grocery bags, car trunks, etc
~perform minor alterations
~conjugate a Spanish verb all forty-eleven ways
~tickle Jeff
~recite “The Sick Rose” (it’s only 8 lines)
~envision something and make it happen

I cannot
~knit while driving
~blow up a balloon
~do pilates (very well)
~remember names
~walk in a straight line
~pee standing up
~pass up a sale at DSW
~touch pumpkin guts
~comprehend the concept of ram (the memory, not the animal)
~watch someone vomit without feeling the strong urge to do so myself
~make that “whpsh!” whipping noise (like…”You’re so whipped!  whpsh!“)
~dance in any recognizable fashion
~be mean to animals
~watch scary movies
~give up my addiction to chapstick
~always win at Trivial Pursuit (even though I tried to memorize the deck)
~do pottery (though granted, I’ve never really tried.  Maybe I can!)
~ever win at video games
~pretend to like someone I really don’t
~tell Martin Sheen and Michael Douglas apart
~eat at Burger King
~ever remember to reply to emails

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