2. Pet a cat.
3. Pour another glass of wine.
5. Pick my fingernails. Or pick your own fingernails. Mine are pretty well picked down by now, actually.
6. Wash dishes.
7. Make and re-make the bed.
8. Stash dive, a la Scrooge McDuck’s money vault.
9. Count the Diet Coke cans on the coffee table.
10. Refresh. Refresh. Refresh. Refresh.
11. Update Facebook status to “why, Ravelry? Why?!”
12. Pet another cat.
13. Make dinner.
14. Make tomorrow’s breakfast. You like your eggs cold?
15. Pick up a long-abandoned UFO and work a row or two.
16. Organize your earring collection by style, price, then by favorite >> least favorite (which may or may not be directly related to “style” or “price”).
17. Pick your lip. Or your cuticles.
18. Organize the pantry. Veggies on the left, canned fruit in the middle, grains and soups on the right.
19. Dig all the dirty Kleenex out of that crack between the head of the bedframe and the wall. Gross yourself out.
20. Brush a cat.
21. Brush the other cat. Remember why you so rarely brush the cats, anyway.
22. Dress your wounds from #21.
23. Refresh. Refresh. Refresh.
24. Momentarily wonder if world hunger could be solved merely by continually adding water to rice. Will it expand forever? Venture into kitchen to test said theory. Give up upon realizing you’d have to wash a pan to cook the rice in.
25. Crush all those Diet Coke cans in the recycling room. Let your anger out.
26. Cast on a new project. Or 10. As you run out of optimum needle + yarn combinations, challenge yourself. “What can I make using laceweight cotton and three #5 DPNs?”
27. Carry the packet of cat treats around the house just to see the cats run after you, fat bellies a’ swingin’.
28. Window shop via amazon for that new video camera you can’t afford and don’t really need.
29. Alphabetize the grocery list.
30. Go through the house choosing items for an upcoming garage sale. Focus on Jeff’s possessions.
31. Dig that massive cross-stitch project out from that bin under the bed that you sorta-not-really forgot you had. Make 3 stitches, then remember why you switched hobbies in the first place.
32. Try to make the cat yawn, then try to touch his tongue while he’s yawning.
33. Call Jeff and leave an annoying voicemail consisting of the audio from that hilarious YouTube clip, and the sound of your own insane giggling in the background.
34. Poke a hole in that helium Mylar balloon you’ve had for a couple months. Inhale helium, and sing tunes from My Fair Lady until helium runs out.
35. Pick all the crumbs, lint, and dust out of the keyboard. Marvel at the filth that you live in and never notice.
36. Sort the big bag of animal crackers by species.
37. Sing a song of sixpence, pocket full of rye.
38. Refresh. Refresh. Refresh.
39. Contemplate starting your memoirs while still young enough to remember them.
40. Call your mother and make her watch the same YouTube video that you just left in Jeff’s voicemail.
41. Invent new recipes for the George Foreman grill. Cookie sandwiches? Cat treats with cheese? Maybe I’d better just stick with the turkey burgers and paninis.
42. Realize that it really is the answer to life, the universe, and everything.
43. Pour yet another glass of wine. Contemplate turning up the music and re-enacting the famous “Buster’s Giant Juice Box” scene from Arrested Development. Realize you don’t currently have any boxed wine anyway.
44. Riffle through old purses looking for lost change, dollars, interesting trinkets, or that checkbook that you think you may have lost in Arkansas but it doesn’t matter because you don’t even use that bank anymore, anyway.
45. Pick out (and eat) all the red Sour Patch Kids just to annoy Jeff. Because you love him. Well, I do, anyway.
46. Watch your wedding video. Cry a bit. Call your husband. Just to annoy him (see 45.)
47. Contemplate rearranging the living room, even though you’re moving in like two months anyway. Seriously, it’s been this way for over a year. Isn’t it due for a bit of a shake-up? Plus, it will be fun to see Jeff’s reaction when he comes home (see 45.) Bonus points if he’s buzzed (see 45.)
48. Realize this is why hermits have a tendency to go be crazy.
49. Attempt to learn continental. Throw knitting across the room. Focus instead on faster English knitting.
50. Refresh. Refresh. Refresh…..YAY!!!!