Citron

I finished my Citron last night and bound off (time:  2 DVR’d episodes of the office) and the fucking thing is SO FUCKING SMALL.  I tried to wrap it all cutesy-like around my neck  just like I’ve been visualizing this whole time, and it just about choked me.  And yes I’m going to block it, but there are limits to blocking’s miracles.  And this? WAAYYYY outside those limits, I’ll tell you now.  (Yes, my gauge is spot on.  No, I’m not capable of translating “34 inches” in the pattern into real world numbers.)

Goddamn it.  I want to knit a pillow and then punch it.

Actually, maybe that’s what I need to do – make an offering to the knitting gods.  I’ll work up a little scrap of something in kitchen cotton, then light that fucker on fire.

DAMMIT.

Dammit dammit dammit.  FUCK.

(I still love knitting)

(but I may cross-stitch tonight)

(This knitting-related outburst has been brought to you by the letter “M” as in “mojo” – and as in “motherFUCKER!”)

PS>I’m sure the scarf is lovely, if you either 1)Add at least two repeats in size or 2)Have a neck circumfrence of <11″

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8 responses to “Citron

  1. Language! Oh, dear me. Who is your mother?

  2. You will make a little girl very happy for some kind of occasion. (It is all I have to offer)

  3. oh god! this made me laugh. so hard.

  4. As a fellow knitter, I felt so bad for you. But you are also very funny – keep up the humour! The lying swatch strikes again huh!?

  5. My dear! I am sorry.

  6. I’m sorry it didn’t work up the way it was supposed to, but I have a little bit of shadenfreuder because this is how I feel about almost everything I knit and it’s nice to know I’m not alone.

  7. Chuck it out the window now!!! (and have Jeff film it)

  8. Oh, I know the feeling. Believe me. Sometimes it’s better just to throw the item in the trash or give it away, and start on something new.

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