What To Do When Your iPad Screen Shatters If You’re Pioneer Woman

Not surprisingly, it’s a twelve-step program.

1. Cry.  And talk about it.  Everybody likes the “helpless crying girl” persona.

2. Blog about the event, just in case anyone had forgotten how wealthy you are!  And charming! And how clumsy! And other endearing traits!

3.Remember that self-deprecating humor is always fresh and funny.  Always.

4. Squeeze in several references to how old and fat you are.

5. Await the droves of minions’ flattering, consoling comments.

6. Figure out a way to blame the whole ordeal on one of your kids.  Not your oldest; she’s too old and thus no longer interesting.  Not your baby; he’s your favorite.  The other two are fair game.

7. Mention crying.  Again.

8. Stop crying when you remember that in less than three hours, you’ll have earned enough for a new iPad.

9. Contemplate throwing up a few photos of your basset hound to speed up Step 8.

10. Mention being old and fat again.  Just in case someone missed it the first time.

11. Wonder briefly if the “old and fat” schtick might be getting old.

12. Realize that it *never* gets old.  Mention it once more for good measure.

Sign off with “Goodbye forever”,



5 responses to “What To Do When Your iPad Screen Shatters If You’re Pioneer Woman

  1. HeeHee!!!

  2. hee hee. You have a love/hate thing w. the PW don’t you?

  3. Crap! Now I have to go read her blog and find out what this is about. At least she didn’t refer to her mentally retarded brother. It really is like a robot is writing her blog.

  4. love it. my mum went to school with pw–i had to stop reading her blog when she told me ree was a snob in high school. 🙂

  5. You have me thinking that I could follow your steps with some minor modifications and create the Pioneer Man. I’ll have to think about the crying thing and buying a basset hound though.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s