I need ideas

The world rejoices, for yesterday I received a new Samsung Captivate.

But I didn’t come here to brag about my new phone.  I came here to share in my joy.  Because not only am I getting a nifty new toy,  I’m (quite logically) also getting rid of my old phone – a Motorola Q9c, which is arguably the worst phone ever made.

Behold the craptacularness*:

For just over two years, this phone has been the bane of my existence.  With a ringer that doesn’t ring, a vibrate feature that goes randomly, a battery with a 6-hour lifespan, a worthless mini-SD slot, proprietary headphone jack, a horrible iteration of Windows Mobile, 5 non-functioning keys, a proclivity for randomly freezing and restarting, completely worthless Internet (not even 3G), and the ability to drop a call while standing 50ft from a tower, I have no qualms about saying – if I had sweaty balls, this phone could suck them.

However, I am lacking in balls just as much as my phone is lacking in a mouth with which to suck.  So, I must come up with another way to punish this beast for its mere existence.  Its lack of a SIM card has rendered it well and truly worthless now that my new phone is activated, and it’s unreliable enough that I couldn’t even keep it on hand for its 911 usefulness.  Plus, I want revenge.

So here’s where you come in – once I take out its battery for proper disposal, how should I exact my revenge?

So far I’ve thought to:

– Drop it from the Eads bridge.  Or maybe Chain of Rocks, and then have a nice bike ride after.

– Run it over with my car.  Or Jeff’s (it’s heavier).

-Buy a $15 blender for my own version of “Will it Blend?

But I know there have gotta be better ideas out there!  I want this inanimate object to suffer.  At least, as best as inanimate objects can suffer.

My challenge to you is this:

Suggest to me a super-awesome way (the more violent the better) to help my phone meet its demise.  This weekend (oh yeah – it’s gotta be something I can do here in St. Louis, for little to no cost) I will take my favorite idea(s), and go put this thing out of its misery, once and for all.  And I will make a video on my new phone**, and share it with you.

Be creative (more creative than me)!  And THANK YOU.


*I love that Firefox spellecheck is OK with that.

**gotta rub the salt into the old phone’s wounds, y’know?


11 responses to “I need ideas

  1. Hummmm…Boil it in a pot of water the fry it up in the frying pan, they slice and dice it up into the blender. Cell Phone Au Povire! Not very creative, but it could be fun.

  2. I am not really an expert on cell phone assassination, but maybe you could pin it to some sort of target and shoot at it with your weapon of choice, bow and arrow, rocks, high-heeled shoes.

  3. Give it to Roxer covered with peanut butter. Of course, that may not be good for her delicate digestive system. And perhaps it is not a good idea for her to get the idea that telephones are chew toys. But it IS a creative idea!

  4. Just a side note- I’m pretty sure the the Eads bridge is currently closed for repairs.

    I say…run it through the washing machine and then maybe drop it from your balcony and then maybe take a hammer to it.

  5. Learn to skeet shoot. I’ll loan you my current phone, a Samsung Moment, to practice with.

  6. Go all Office Space on it and take it out to a field (or a park) and beat the s*** out of it with a baseball bat. Don’t forget to put in a parting kick either!

  7. oh-oh-oh! This one time? I saw this thing? Where this dude? Put a cellphone into a MICROWAVE? And it was all like, “FACE OF SATAN PLUS NUCLEAR MUSHROOM CLOUD, IN A MICROWAVE!!!” And we were all, “Woah, that is, like, SO unsafe…” but then we spent the next month staring at our microwave thoughtfully while fingering craptastic objects that might do something interesting in the microwave…aaaaaand YouTube fails me not, here it is (officially of course, I do not sanction this…it’s a TERRIBLE idea and nobody should EVER do it) (but if I weren’t a Responsible Adult-Like Person? Bwahahahahaha…..!!!)

  8. My dad took a sledgehammer to his old computer, and a chainsaw to an old sofa that wouldn’t fit through a door, then burned it in his fire pit… it makes a great story (and wouldn’t we all love to see the videos of those events?!)

    Just a thought…

  9. I have had phones like that! I’m not prone to violence, but malfunctioning electronics…hoo boy.

    I think that it would be very rewarding tie a string to it and drag it behind your bike for a few days…
    Then buy the $15 blender & play will it blend…
    THEN then blow up the blender with the phone in it. Preferrably with an M80 cuz they’re loud.
    Poor innocent blender… 🙂

  10. Pingback: Disjoined | KateOhKatie blogs

  11. oh, I’d def. put it in a ziplock and bury it under a park bench somewhere
    and then call it.

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