A metaphor gone too far

It all started when I tried to entice a friend into sock knitting, by telling her “sock yarn is like cocaine – it’s so addictive! It’s beautiful, and you can just keep buying it forever and use it and love it and be oh so happy.  Until you run out.”

Which has now led to…

The official yarn/drug metaphor compendium

(as developed by two people who know almost nothing about drugs, but everything about the addictive qualities of yarn)

Sock yarn = Cocaine because it’s highly addictive and dangerous in large quantities (or even small quantities), but still classy.

(I would definitely plow face-first into a mountain of that, given the chance)

Cascade 220 = Pot because you can get it everywhere, you’ll always have a good time, and you can stop whenever you want.

(And so many varieties!)

Alpaca = Shrooms because it can either go very very right, or very very wrong.  And it can be very tricky to know which path you’ll take.

(Nothing bad can come of the alpaca’s soft embrace, can it?)

Malabrigo = Heroin because if you try it once you’re addicted, even though you really don’t want to keep going back.

(And *way* too easy to binge)

Qiviut/Vicuna = Peyote because it’s a transcendental journey – if you can get it – and you won’t emerge as the same person.  A once-in-a-lifetime experience.

(You know you’d try it if you could)

Noro = Meth because you really don’t want it, even if you think you do.  It may be pretty on the surface, but it’ll fuck you up.  And then you’re stuck.  Forever.

(Much like meth-heads, Noro-heads are also often twitchy, with open sores and scratches.)

Wollmeise = 2CE* because it’s hard to get, and a beautiful experience, but may not live up to the hype.  And, a bunch of people have never heard of it.

(If you have the chance to try Wollmeise, do it.  You may never want – or be able to – ever again)

Tussah silk  = LSD because it’s a completely unique experience that’s great for a special treat once in a while, but not for everyday.  Too much, and the effects are irreversible.

(Has anyone ever lost control of their bodily functions as a result of OD’ing on silk?)

Good novelty yarn = Ecstacy because it’s a singular experience, and you’ll have a lot of fun if you don’t then have a heart attack and die.

(Those colors don’t exist in nature, but you really cease to care)

Bad novelty yarn = PCP/Angel Dust because it’s horrifying and disgusting, but you can be duped into thinking it’s beautiful, if you don’t know any better.

(::shudder::)

Red Heart = Huffing spray paint out of a Kmart sack.  It just is.  You know it is.

(This guy knits with Red Heart)

Photo sources, from top to bottom:

Sock yarn – Happy Fuzzy Yarn on Flickr

Cascade 220 – Make It Be blog

Alpaca – Alpaca4US shop

Malabrigo – KNIT-O-MATIC shop blog

Vicuna – Mary.McGurn on Flickr

Noro – Close Knit shop blog

Wollmeise – Knitting Anarchist blog

Tussah silk – DyeForYarn on Etsy

Good novelty yarn – Alchemy Silken Straw, via Loops Knitting

Bad novelty yarn – The Wooly Yarn shop blog

Red Heart – Awkward Soul blog

*I’d never heard of this one but knew I needed something for Wollmeise, so I asked one of the summer research assistants – aka the toughest, most streetwise kid I know – and he told me that’s one he’d heard of.

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51 responses to “A metaphor gone too far

  1. Wow, I love you. This is right down my alley…or it used to be, but tell me- What is Madelinetosh? I am an addict is all I know.

  2. This is possibly the best yarn metaphor blog post ever! I was laughing so hard I had to run to the bathroom. The worst part is, it’s all true. What would you call hand spun yarn, because that’s what I seem to be addicted to?

  3. Apparently I’m a meth head. How typically Missourian of me…

  4. You clever girl!

    Hey, so do you like yarn at all? 😉

  5. I love weed. I mean, Cascade 220.

    Perfect blog post. Just perfect.

  6. It’s funny ’cause it’s true…

  7. OMG. I cannot stop laughing at Noro. Now I feel so trashy for all the Red Heart I have. lol

  8. Wow, I do the yarn equivalent of cocaine… Who knew?! And thanks for the warning about the Noro; I nearly tried that one.

    Funny, funny post!

  9. I laughed loud enough that the kids made fun of me. If my 18 year old were home, he’d tell me I was ON crack for laughing like I did.

  10. LMAO.. truly…that was great!

  11. That’s hilarious!! Thank you!!

  12. Right on. Hey, groovy man.

  13. Wollmeise is totally addicting and beautiful to knit with. I have never seen more vibrant, beautiful colors in my life. I fall into so many categories it’s unreal.

  14. Pingback: Yesterday: drugs. Today: sex (not really). Tomorrow: rock ‘n roll. | KateOhKatie blogs

  15. I’ll be laughing at this for days to come … and sharing it widely.

    Never mind asking, “But why?”

    None of your beez wax

  16. Oh this is priceless – hope you don’t mind, but I’m sharing this with the KnitWits of Troy (prayer shawl group that meets weekly).

  17. I’m guilty of pushing a Wollmeise jones. Call the feds.

  18. *DIES* Just DIES! (ROFL)

    The alpaca & bad novelty yarn comparisons made me snorfle my tea. LOLOL.

    I’ll never look at my cherished ball of quiviut the same way again.

  19. Rebecca in SoCal

    You already had me, but sealed the deal with the AD link!! I think I just added a blog to my Reader list. Oy!

  20. So, 20 comments in, is it even worth pointing out that this post is really messed up and insensitive? You nailed it with your title – A metaphor gone too far is right. Addiction is such a serious issue and this post not only makes light of that, it even ridicules and denigrates people who are struggling with it. (In particular the comments comparing “meth heads” to crafters who use Noro made my heart sink – what on earth is funny about that?) This uses people who are struggling with real, serious problems as the butt of a joke, and that’s not funny – it’s bullying.

  21. You know, the reality is that LIFE is really messed up and insensitive. It may not have been the most politically correct post on the planet but It.Was.Funny.
    In fact, Kidsilk Haze has been referred to Cracksilk Haze on Ravelry since the waiting lists for an invitation were upwards of 5 weeks so it certainly isn’t a new or surprising metaphor..just expanded.
    Finally, as an addict I can firmly state that a sense of humor about one’s addiction is essential in recovery. VITAL. Those still struggling with addiction are going to find a source of victimization somewhere irregardless. An active addict is always looking for a way to deflect scrutiny of their own responsibilities. I did it for years.

  22. This totally rocks. You are so righ ton the money! Love it!

  23. Your posts always make me want to knit, even though I’ve tried and I don’t really get it. You are the gateway drug?

  24. awesome – you forgot the accessories though! Knit pro’s, addi’s stitch markers etc LOL

  25. Who’d a thunk that quiet Nonie, who totally avoided the ’60’s Woodstock culture, is seriously hooked on Coke and LSD in her fiber years? Now how should we describe Angora addicts? ROFLMAO ~ your fantastic blog definitely pegged the yarn-lovers cult!

  26. A friend linked this to me and I have to admit this made me giggle! Well done!

  27. best post ever. I may resemble some of those addictions

  28. The only thing wrong with this post is that you forgot about handspun yarn. There are lots of spinners out there who are addicted to spinning, and yes, even spinning sock yarn. 🙂

  29. Bahahaha! Awesome. 🙂 And I’m glad to know my yarn experiences are universal.

  30. Morgan Hazelton

    Fantastic! That is it – teach me to knit, Kate!

  31. Pingback: The soft, squishy truth | KateOhKatie blogs

  32. What can I say, I’m addicted too. Great post!

  33. This has got to be one of the funniest things I have seen in a while.

  34. “Tried to make me go to rehab, but I said No, No, No!”

  35. I too have fallen victim….

  36. So now I have a *really* good reason to not let my sock yarn stash get too low!!!

  37. Oh my word…THIS is funny!! I just got back from an Alaskan cruise, and would you believe that I found yarn stores in every single port? And I bought it…all of it sock yarn!! And I had a sock on my needles at the same time.

    My family just doesn’t understand why I keep buying more. I’m going to share your post with them. Perhaps they will finally “get” it. 😀

  38. Pingback: Day 5 – Sitka « AuburnChick's Adventures

  39. Ha! I love this! I hope you don’t mind, I posted a link to this on my blog. It is too funny not to share!

  40. OMG…..This has me cracking up

  41. Holy crap! I’m not much of a knitter (I’ve been working on the same scarf for about three years now) but this was hilariously funny. 🙂 Glad I found your blog!

  42. Pingback: More links than Zelda « Feather and Fan

  43. This post was awesome!!! I drool over those *fancy* yarns but I can’t buy them. I have however seen the error of my ways when it comes to Red Heart. I do still buy mostly acrylic yarn but its not the sandpaper anymore! I think your blog is awesome!

  44. I am so totally a coke head!! Love this!

  45. Pingback: My Favorite Things Today. « yarnyMarni

  46. This is amazing, just sayin’. Also too true. 😄 Malabrigo and sock yarn, go! (I think this means I’ve been having a cocaine-heroin mix?)

  47. fitness reviews” Magnificent Stuff! Should say i am impressed. fitness reviews

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