It all started when I tried to entice a friend into sock knitting, by telling her “sock yarn is like cocaine – it’s so addictive! It’s beautiful, and you can just keep buying it forever and use it and love it and be oh so happy. Until you run out.”
Which has now led to…
The official yarn/drug metaphor compendium
(as developed by two people who know almost nothing about drugs, but everything about the addictive qualities of yarn)
Sock yarn = Cocaine because it’s highly addictive and dangerous in large quantities (or even small quantities), but still classy.
(I would definitely plow face-first into a mountain of that, given the chance)
Cascade 220 = Pot because you can get it everywhere, you’ll always have a good time, and you can stop whenever you want.
(And so many varieties!)
Alpaca = Shrooms because it can either go very very right, or very very wrong. And it can be very tricky to know which path you’ll take.
(Nothing bad can come of the alpaca’s soft embrace, can it?)
Malabrigo = Heroin because if you try it once you’re addicted, even though you really don’t want to keep going back.
(And *way* too easy to binge)
Qiviut/Vicuna = Peyote because it’s a transcendental journey – if you can get it – and you won’t emerge as the same person. A once-in-a-lifetime experience.
(You know you’d try it if you could)
Noro = Meth because you really don’t want it, even if you think you do. It may be pretty on the surface, but it’ll fuck you up. And then you’re stuck. Forever.
(Much like meth-heads, Noro-heads are also often twitchy, with open sores and scratches.)
Wollmeise = 2CE* because it’s hard to get, and a beautiful experience, but may not live up to the hype. And, a bunch of people have never heard of it.
(If you have the chance to try Wollmeise, do it. You may never want – or be able to – ever again)
Tussah silk = LSD because it’s a completely unique experience that’s great for a special treat once in a while, but not for everyday. Too much, and the effects are irreversible.
(Has anyone ever lost control of their bodily functions as a result of OD’ing on silk?)
Good novelty yarn = Ecstacy because it’s a singular experience, and you’ll have a lot of fun if you don’t then have a heart attack and die.
(Those colors don’t exist in nature, but you really cease to care)
Bad novelty yarn = PCP/Angel Dust because it’s horrifying and disgusting, but you can be duped into thinking it’s beautiful, if you don’t know any better.
Red Heart = Huffing spray paint out of a Kmart sack. It just is. You know it is.
(This guy knits with Red Heart)
Photo sources, from top to bottom:
Sock yarn – Happy Fuzzy Yarn on Flickr
Cascade 220 – Make It Be blog
Alpaca – Alpaca4US shop
Malabrigo – KNIT-O-MATIC shop blog
Vicuna – Mary.McGurn on Flickr
Noro – Close Knit shop blog
Wollmeise – Knitting Anarchist blog
Tussah silk – DyeForYarn on Etsy
Good novelty yarn – Alchemy Silken Straw, via Loops Knitting
Bad novelty yarn – The Wooly Yarn shop blog
Red Heart – Awkward Soul blog
*I’d never heard of this one but knew I needed something for Wollmeise, so I asked one of the summer research assistants – aka the toughest, most streetwise kid I know – and he told me that’s one he’d heard of.