The hatred just gets cuter and cuter

Sorry about the problems with commenting, guys.  I’m still not sure what’s up, but from the looks of this WordPress forum post it seems that they’re changing some things w/ the commenting system, so it’s not just my site.  Hopefully it’ll sort itself out within the next couple days, but if you still can’t get a comment through just shout at me on Twitter or email me, OK?

All right, it’s time for the long-awaited cat torture post.

So, shortly after Valentine’s Day I was browsing My Cat Is A Dick, as I am wont to do, and I found this:

 

“Self!” I thought to myself, “This is too unbearably cute!  And humiliating to my favorite feline! I must endeavor to replicate this, so as to most effectively embarrass him and increase the chances of having my face clawed off while I sleep!”

So I took a sheet of red cardstock, and I carefully cut it into the shape of a perfect heart.  Then with Jeff safely out of the house at his evening class (so he couldn’t stop me, you see), I set out to accomplish my goal.

It went about as successfully as you might think.  That is to say, not at all.

Within that blur:  POINTY TEETH DIGGING INTO MY FLESH.

We struggled.

He tried to flee, but neglected to consider that I am larger, meaner, and more tenacious than he.

Eventually, he resigned himself to his fate.

But though escape had proven impossible, he still felt no obligation to cooperate.

(This cat photography thing is harder than it looks)

After he calmed down a bit, I realized I’d made a critical error:  the cutout’s head hole was too big; the heart kept slipping down ’round his widdwe beebee neck.

That and he was still refusing to play along, behaving in a most catlike manner.

You can almost see the fantasies of my demise flashing in his eyes.

So in the interest of self-preservation, we made one last go of it…

And we were done.

He made me prove that it was over, that such atrocities would never again be committed.

The Cardboard Heart of Death and Shame had been annihilated, and we vowed never to speak of it again.  He made me swear to secrecy, evermore.

Good thing he doesn’t know I have a blog.

Advertisements

One response to “The hatred just gets cuter and cuter

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s