The hardest thing I’ve ever done

It is Day Three of my personal transformation.  The initial optimism and enthusiasm dissipated sometime Wednesday afternoon.  Every waking moment now is a mighty battle of wills; the nagging thought keeps tapping on my brain:  “Just do it!  Once! For a moment!  Will it really make a difference?”  I’ve almost given in a couple times, I must confess.  It would feel so good.  And it couldn’t really hurt anything, could it?  Really?

Like a former smoker who keeps reaching for the invisible pack of cigarettes, at moments unaware my knees gravitate toward each other and the right one instinctively tries to sling itself over the left.  Usually I catch myself midway through.  Sometimes, though, I don’t.  And for that brief moment before awareness catches up to instinct, I am happy.  My knees are crossed; my posture relaxed.  Endorphins flood my body: utter bliss.

But then I realize what I’ve done.  I un-cross my legs and plant both feet firmly on the ground, shoulder-width apart, just like I’ve been instructed.  I sit up a bit straighter, leaning slightly forward to encourage Hoopling into the all-important head down position.  It’s not comfortable; it feels unnatural.

It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done.

PS> Are you proud of me for writing this whole post without making the obvious “well clearly I’ve un-crossed my legs at some point” jokes?  You should be.

PPS> Sorry, Mom.

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3 responses to “The hardest thing I’ve ever done

  1. If your goal is to get baby head down my doula gave me the tip of cleaning the floors on your hands and knees. She said the position gives the baby a little more wiggle room and the rocking back and forth as you wipe encourages them to go head down. Just a tip. I’ve also heard floating on your stomach with a snorkel helps.

  2. SunflowerCrochet

    I knew nothing about this. Thanks for the heads up, and keep up the good work. You can do it!!

  3. go Katie !!! anything that keeps you from having a suction cap or forceps delivery is worth all the effort, hope you are still feeling good, the final weeks just FLY by , so rest as much as you can.

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