(Please for the love of all that is holy and delicious, do NOT skip the text & scroll directly to the photos. It’s so much funnier if you understand where I’m coming from)
HOWEVER (there’s always a however), nobody’s perfect.
Boy-oh-boy, am I ever imperfect.
A co-worker has a birthday is this week. For each co-worker’s birthday, I bake him or her their favorite item – now that everyone’s gotten a pretty fair idea of my repertoire, I’m getting some special requests. “I love your chocolate chip cookies, Kate.” “That coffee cake you brought a few weeks ago was great!” This guy, though, threw me a curveball: “I want a turtle cake!”
So I thought about what that might entail, I looked around online for some ideas and inspiration, and last night I took to the kitchen to create a delicious turtle cake.
My vision: chocolate cake (Johnson family recipe), fudgy chocolate frosting, caramel and pecans drizzled atop. A veritable vision of gooey deliciousness.
It was doomed from the start. My cakes didn’t come cleanly out of the pans. The fudgy frosting (Paula Deen‘s recipe) was a total bust; neither fudgy nor frosting-y. I used the wrong plate (amateur mistake; I should know better!), one that was tapered toward the center rather than flat at the bottom. Just about the only thing that went *right* was the caramel topping (caramels + butter + sweetened condensed milk) with a cup of finely chopped hand-picked pecans from Grandma’s property stirred in.
But still I pressed onward, to the point of full assembly. And when it was done I stood back, took a good look at it, and bellowed…
He ran into the room, came to a full stop, and…laughed hysterically. It’s just that bad.
Don’t believe me? See for yourself (Keepin’ it real, yo.):
No, I’m not kidding. I really wish I was. I really, REALLY wish I could say “ah-ha! Just kidding! Here is the real cake!” and unveil a masterpiece of epic proportions. But I can’t. That’s it.
Shall we have another angle?
Danger! Mudslide ahead! Or, if you squint, Danger! Big Mac ahead!
Despite Jeff’s insistence (though his tears of laughter) that I should take it to work anyway, I just can’t. I CAN’T. No one deserves this for their birthday. Not my worst enemy, and certainly not a co-worker who I feel neutral-leaning-to-friendly towards.
My in-laws are about to be the proud recipients of the ugliest, delicious-est cake in the history of ugly delicious cakes. Lucky them.
And me? I’m going to try again after Thanksgiving. Think I should tweak things a bit for next time? 😛
I recommend bookmarking this post for the next time you need a good, deep belly laugh. I know I’m sure going to.
PS>This morning I whipped up a batch of chocolate chip muffins with streusel topping and brought those in instead, then showed my co-workers a picture of what I almost brought them. We all laughed heartily, and I cried a bit inside.